Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How NOT to Ask Voodoo Mama a Question

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It's been quite awhile since I have posted anything on this blog simply because my attentions have been elsewhere. This doesn't mean I haven't been asked any questions, that's for sure. In fact, every day someone is asking something, and depending on the question and the amount of extra time I have (which frankly is zero at this point in time and has been that way for a LONG time)  I may or may not answer.

My question for today's discussion is: Are you serious? 

Let me explain something...I have over 10,000 combined subscribers for my email lists and newsletters. The reason I started my first email list is because I receive hundreds of emails every day, many of which are similar questions. This gives me a good idea of the kind of information people are seeking. So, I write several blogs and created several email lists that are specific to certain things people want to know. That way, I don't have to answer every email with the same answer which is extremely time consuming and is essentially providing consultation services for free. I do not work for free. I bet you don't either! But you may be surprised at the number of people who seem to think I do nothing all day long but sit on my computer shooting emails back and forth with folks. Uhh, no.

Here is a question I recently got that I didn't bother to answer:

Please help me turn into a thong so I can be next to my wife.

Altogether now (please everyone join in with me)... Are you serious?!!!

Now that is an example of the kind of question I will not answer and if I have to explain why, well, I just don't know what to say about that.

Here is another question I get quite frequently (phrased in several different ways), which is both a bit creepy and disturbing:

Do you do death spells?
Can you tell me how to kill someone?
How do I make someone die?

Okay, are you ready? Altogether now...Are you serious?!!!

Now asking me to help you turn into a thong and asking me to kill someone for you (really?) or to tell you how to kill someone (REALLY?) are just two types of questions for which I can guarantee you will not receive a response. So please, don't bother...REALLY.

And then there are folks who have a sense of entitlement. Like, because they ask a question I SHOULD answer...just because.

Sometimes I will answer, just because, if I have time. Most of the time I answer if the email is from a customer. In fact, I always try to answer customer emails. If I don't, it is because a) my ADD has gotten the best of me and has me off doing something else, or b) the email has been buried under a hundred others and I just didn't see it. That's why I tell folks they can reach me at my forum on Conjure Corner, or try me on Facebook. I don't have as many emails there and I am more likely to catch it. My really smart customers will email me, then FB me and tell me they emailed me, and sometimes even message me at Conjure Corner. That doesn't bother me at all and in fact I appreciate the effort. Those emails I answer.

But, back to the emails with an air of entitlement. Emails from folks who demand answers from me...just because. Not because they are a friend and I am ignoring them (don't do that and if I did they would have a right to demand an answer from me, but then if they are friend they would likely call me and ask WTF); not because they are a customer and their order is late (they too deserve an answer). Certainly, their demand is not because I told them I would provide consultation services for free (uhh, no, I have paid and continue to pay huge sums of money paying for my degrees...this means I get paid for my time). Joining one of my newsletters or email lists does not mean free consultation services are included. Really, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

But some people...well, for example, I recently got this question (three times) from someone:

First email: CONTACT AND HELP Do you have a news letter????? and how do I get revenge on someone.
This person attempts to intimidate me and...

Obviously this person know s I have a newsletter because they email me from the newsletter sign-up page. Uhh, no time to help you seek revenge especially when another part of the email states all landlord cares about is rent and of course he's black. What does that mean? NEXT...

Second email: YOUR NO ANSWER AND SO NO HELP Do you have a news letter????? and how do I get revenge on someone. This person attempts to intimidate me and ...all landlord cares about is rent and of course he's black.

 Is it any wonder I don't answer this email? Altogether now...Are you serious?!!!

Third email: HELP Do you have a news letter????? and how do I get revenge on someone. This person attempts to intimidate me and ...all landlord cares about is rent and of course he's black.

Okay, now he's pissing me off. So I respond, most assuredly not the response he is seeking. Still, I give him a little information.

Yes, I have several newsletters. But that doesn’t mean I am available for personal consultation at a whim and frankly, you have come across as demanding and a bit rude, which is why I haven’t responded.

Depending on which newsletter you are subscribed to, there are several of these kinds of spells that will come through your email. That is the reason I have the newsletters, because I simply cannot answer every email I get as I get hundreds.
Take a look at this page on my website and this should give you a few ideas:

Was I too easy on him? Yeah, I think I was. But I didn't want to engage this person so as to get more emails from him. I bet he emails me back...damn, my mistake. I should have just tossed him in the junk pile. Next time...

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