Thursday, June 28, 2012

Voodoo Mama Ain't No Hit Man

Even my Hoodoo Doll is Rolling His Eyes

So, here is a good Ask Voodoo Mama situation. Or, more like Tell Voodoo Mama what to do and I'll give you a gift. No, really, I am dead serious.

I recently received a letter from someone overseas and...well, let me just type an excerpt so you can fully appreciate it:

Note that the letter starts off without any kind of salutation whatsoever. "I will give you a special gift if you succeed in doing what I ask. And you will get more customers (umm, I am doing fine with customers and though I always welcome new customers, some may argue I have more than I can handle...not complaining though). If you help me, I will help you (do I look like I need help or something?). If you can't do it ask someone who can but must be trusted. Only 3 of us know (not anymore!). This man I investigate is also a good friend of mine for more than 5 years. But he has been with a married lady...(you can fill in the blanks here as to where this is going)...if you want more customers then do it for me but successful (they still haven't said what they want me to do). Don't worry I won't tell customers what you did for me but say something else. After your prayers and also spells on him, burn this first letter, envelope and photo (yeah, they sent a photo of the poor man). I put a curse on this 3 plus (illegible) spells will make yourself stronger (okay, did they just say that I am reading a letter that has been cursed?) if succeed I will give you a special gift (hmm, the elusive special gift. Now here comes the good part). Destroy his life. Paralyze him forever in a serious accident or die in the accident. You can keep the second letter (which I have yet to receive) no photo (illegible) first letter but burn it. Any connection between the woman and me I wont tell you now (oh good, because I really want to know - NOT). This is revenge. He must be punished. This victim is staying in (location I will not disclose...but this next "directive" is good)...Accident is between 7 am to 8 am on 29th June 2012 - "expiry date" written in parentheses. If you cannot do it before expiry date there will be no gift from me (awww, that's not fair cause I really like doing murder for hire). You can do it on your voodoo doll (which one? I ask) 1st choice is: serious accident then in coma for 14 years minimum. 2nd choice: paralyzed from waist to the leg. 3rd choice: dead. Your voodoo doll can do it if you want people to order from you (It can? You mean more people will come to me with death requests?) Proof it to me that your voodoo doll is powerful and can work in order people will order your doll and other things. Hear from me in the next letter if you succeed. Earlier you do, earlier you get. Don't waste time and don't disappoint me. I want revenge. Please do it now..."

And it goes on rambling and demanding a little bit more.

In case I need to clarify for folks who may have the wrong impression of me, I don't do death work. I don't throw down to make anyone paralyzed or get into an accident. And I don't do anything for anyone no matter what it is if you try to tell me what to do and don't even ask nicely. Oh, and I definitely don't work for free (except on occasion but certainly not in this case).

My recommendation? This person, who never even gave me their name, should buy a bottle of D.U.M.E. Conjure oil, anoint a black candle and do their own dirty work. Cause this Voodoo Mama ain't no hit man.

Crossroads University,